Dear Dominus. I am not going to start out with a lie, so here it is. I am have been living with my man for 5 years now and I have met another wonderful man at a party and we have started sleeping with each other for a few months now. I cant get my outside fling out of my head and it is confusing me to the point that I don’t know what I want. The thing is, I was confronted by my man at home about a situation that I had lied to see my friend and I could not lie anymore and I spilled my guts. This broke his heart but he says he wants us to work on it because we have a 1 year old child that he wants to grow up with mommy and daddy. On the other and I just cant get this other man out of my head and I lie to him constantly and tell him everything is good at home and yes he knows about my man but he doesn’t know the trouble I am in nor do I care to tell him. With him its nto about sex but I love sex with him we can talk about nothing for hours and then it happens. He thinks I am telling him the complete truth but I actually tell him pure lies. He always asks is everything going to be ok with you and him and I say yea it cool. My man asks me all the time did you hear *** today and I tell him the truth and say yes he called or I called or he passed by work to say hi. I even told him that I saw him in town and we kissed in the van stand goodbye behind the canteen and he cried and asked me to stop seeing him but I am finding it hard to do this. He asked me about sex and I did admit that we had sex a few times and I still crave sex with him but I haven’t for weeks now. When he asked me details I told him the times we did it and it worked back to times that I told him no I aint feeling good but it really was that I was really sore from my friend and that is why I turned him down for a few days back to back. Tears came in his eyes and he pull down all the dish rack and break up nuff of my dishes and left the house and went outside. He came back and said sorry for breaking up the wares cause he could see I was vex bout that I is who buy most of them but for the first time he say he felt like he wanted to hit me so he walked away before he do something he wouldnt do. My other friend would never even think of hitting me or getting vex with me like that. He knows I got my man and my child and he cool with the time I give him. I love being with my other outside friend and when I am with him life is so sweet and simple and happy. No stress no worries and it just feels right. My man is reliable and always there for me but I have realised how happy I can be with the other guy and life with my livein bf seems repetitive and boring and I love the excitement that happens when I slip out to see my friend. I don’t know what I want or who I love more of if I am staying with my man at home because of our baby, living arrangements or something else but my gf told me that when you really love someone you lie to them to tell protect their feelings but when you don’t care you tell them the truth and watch them cry. She said I cant love my man at home cause I tell he the truth bout my other friend and that the other man is who is best for me cause I protecting he from all the drama I got going on. My man does look so sad but I does still tell he yea i hear he today or he ask me for a picture and I send he a pic, I just be honest with he all the time, except for last week I went and fuck he and he dont know but he aitn ask so it technically isnt a lie. If this is true does this mean that I really love the other man more than the one at home? I really need to choose so I can stop going back and fourth with each of them.
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