Dear Dominus “Ode to my mother” 11/06/218

Mother and daughter in park relaxing

Dear Dominus. This is my story. When I was 12 and in first form in school, this was the first time that I was allowed to mix and mingle with boys. I always used to go to private schools with girls only and was very much protected. Being naïve, I ended up being pregnant at 12 years old by a boy who was in 5th form who broke my virginity. We only had sex once, well it lasted less than 5 minutes. I was filled with mixed emotions and I told my mother and she told me it’s not for the best and to keep it quiet and not tell the boy, she paid a doctor to get my baby killed hush-hush. I think she said it was her that was pregnant but wanted to do it at home.cover-social-media-promo My mother was rough pushing it up inside me with her fingers with no lube, she enjoyed hurting me and seeing me in pain and she looked at me and told me if I could do woman things take this woman pain and made me lay down for 3 hours until she was sure it dissolved. This thing hurt me like I was about to die. I cried and had a painful period for days and then she took me completely out of government secondary school and sent me to ***** (Private school). Then is where the horror began. I only was allowed school and home, no phone , no friends, no internet, nothing. When I got less than a B+, I was locked in the basement with the books for the particular subject for a week, and then she brought a mock up test to see if I have improved. She never hit me, but locking me in the basement in the dark with cockroaches, a candle and a book was worse. I think she hated me because i looked like my father. She always told me she was pushing me so i would be better than her and him, and she pushed me like a mule. I never went to watch a movie in my life. Didnt know Bridgetown, or anywhere, just my books. Now I am book smart, but I am like a tourist in my own country. She told me that when I am 25 and older I will thank her for a bullet dodged, because I will be successful and happy and will be ready for a family. Well Dominus PhD, she did push me hard and keep me away from boys and the next time I had sex I was 22. This man literally walked up to me and told me he likes me and wants to take me home. I was so happy that a man would like me I went and we had sex on the first night in less than an hour after we met. Sounds stupid right, but I was so happy for attention, I acted stupid. theme-party-2He is the only man that has ever touched me since because I am afraid of myself if I get out there. He too, makes me stay at home and I am only allowed to go out with him or my mother. I got involved with this guy and I was such an amateur at sex but he was patient and made me do everything he wanted which after joining your page I found out isn’t as normal as he made it seem to be. We got close and it has been 3 years that we have been trying to have a baby. I only recently went to the doctor to find out that what my mother did at 12, could have damaged me to make it impossible for me to get pregnant now. So mum this letter is for you, I have the job you always wanted, a nice car and I can qualify for a mortgage with my boyfriend, but I am so unhappy that you took the power to be a real woman away from me. If I had had that baby, our family has money and I could’ve bounced back. Now my boyfriend, who so desperately wants a child, has made another girl pregnant and tell me to live with it. I am so damaged emotionally because of what you did 13 years ago. You kept me inside the house so much that I am afraid to lose my boyfriend even though he is openly cheating on me. I am not confident around guys and I feel inferior. No mother should separate this girl child from the outside world like how you did. You are rich financially, but mom you are a pauper as a Mother. She died ******** and I am supposed to write the eulogy. I would like to say all these things there, say how much i dont forgive her, say how bad of a mother she was, but to keep up the show, I will smile and wave, and say how I wish she was still here. This is my real ode to my mother.

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